Spring time

There are ways you can tell spring is here... Easter lilies bloom, short sleeves come out of the attic, & lawn mowers come out of the garage. But, to me the declaration of spring is grass stains! We went to the park to play & came home with proof of the changing season!
I love this time of year. Everything is so fresh. Everywhere you look are pinks, yellows, polka dots, & floral patterns. The smell of fresh rain, the breeze from the open window are what makes this season so great to me.
I know I haven't blogged in awhile, but in the Barnes' house it's the same old story, just a different day & a higher dose of clomid.
With each month on clomid I experience symptoms worse than the previous month. The depression really hit me hard this cycle & it's been hard to blog b/c nothing is new.
I posted a pic of Davis, Jake, & Josh on Easter. They are such handsome little guys & have so much fun together.
I want to post more pics, so I'll be back this weekend for a more detailed blog.

Davis turns 3!!

I

Our little baby turned 3 years old. We just can't believe how time flies.
We celebrated with a birthday party at Kazoing Party & Play. Davis had lots of friends & family join us to help make his day special.
He's been seeing other kids w/ these hand held games & he was very interested in them. He received some gift cards for his birthday, so we got him a Leapster hand hand game. He looks like such a big boy as he races Lighting McQueen around the course. I just get amazed watching him play.
Our lives have changed so much over the past 3 years. Parenthood really makes you see all the important things in life. We are so thankful for our little guy & wouldn't trade him for all the money in the world.
I know all parents think that their child is smart, but man Davis is so smart. He catches on to things so quickly. His memory amazes us.
One thing he does is sing 'In my life' by The Beatles. I'm going to try & get video of it & post it to share w/ everyone. It's so cute!

The stitch comes out!

Today Danny took Davis to see Dr Jill to get his 1 little stitch taken out. I choose not to go b/c I'm watching the Mia & Cole (my cousin's 6 month old twins). I also thought it would be fun for Daddy & Davis to get some time together.
Davis & I talked about what was going to happen before the visit. We talked about how Dr Jill would take that 1 stitch out to make his nose all better. How Dr Jill would look into his eyes (he's been blinking like his eyes are dry) & how she'd look in his ears (I'm paranoid when it comes to ear infections). Davis was such a big boy! No tears or anything. I think he did better than his Mommy would have if she had to have stitches removed.
Davis now weighs 32 lbs! WOW! He's ready for a big boy booster seat. We've been letting him sit in one that I had for a little girl I was babysitting for b/c I had weighed him at home & knew he was over 30 lbs. He's excited to be in this big boy stage. Maybe he'll get a new booster seat for his birthday!
As for his eyes, Jill said it was allergies & gave him Zaditor rx eye drops to help w/ the dryness. He already takes Singulair for his allergies.
The whole eye thing has been a drama for us, too. Last Sunday we noticed the blinking was getting worse & Papaw even questioned what was going on. I became paranoid & called Pediatric Acute Care. They told me he was probably having eye seizures & theres nothing they can do. We should see our pediatrician & she'll send him to a neurologist. OK, SERIOUSLY? Was that needed? I mean I'm already paranoid, why feed it? I called Jill as soon as I hung up. She said that's not at all what she would have suspected & to watch him. If it gets worse, then bring him in. She was hesitate to have us come in b/c of flu season. She said we'd leave w/ a lot more than we came with. The more I thought about it, the more upset I became!
For those of you who don't know, I was a Nanny for Jill up until around October of this year. I wanted to be home w/ Davis full time. She's our pediatrician, I wonder what I would do if I didn't have her as my personal on call DR!
Tomorrow is Little D's 3rd birthday! I'm so excited for him as we have a fun filled day planned. I'm a nut w/ birthdays & think they should always be a big deal. We are so THANKFUL to God for not only giving us this wonderful little guy, but allowing us to nourish, love, & teach him for the past 3 years. It's an amazing charge & we're honored to have it.
The picture is Davis in the Dr's office w/ his sucker after he got his stitch out.

It's a first....

Tonight as we are in the final stretch of being 2, we had yet another first!!
Davis received his 1st stitch!
Danny & Davis were playing forts in Davis' room & I was in my bathroom. Davis told Daddy he was going to go kiss Bowie 'night night' & would 'be right back'. I heard a growl, a louder growl & then a bark. Davis started crying. Now this isn't too abnormal b/c the dogs & Davis fight a lot & we hear these sounds.
This was a little different b/c his cry wasn't as dramatic as usual. I ran in there & he was holding his face. Bowie nipped his nose.
We weren't even sure we needed to go to the ER. I called Pediatric Acute Care & they suggested we go to either Baptist Hospital East (if they have a Pediatrician on staff tonight) or Kosair Children's Hospital. I called BHE & they do have a Ped on staff in the ER at all times.
Little D cried most of the way there. He kept saying "I don't go to DR" & "I don't wike hopital". He said "I feel better, Mommy". My heart was breaking, but I'm more of a 'better to be safe than sorry' type of gal.
We got to the ER & was taken back to the Ped ER pretty quickly. The nurse who saw him didn't think he would need any stitches. A few other nurses came in to see him & check out his nose. One of them asked what happened & he was so cute I could cry! He said "playin' fort w/ Daddy, gotta give Bow kisses in blue room, he bite me". I couldn't have explained it any better.
He was such a trooper. When the Dr came in he decided that he would feel better if he had just 1 stitch. I asked about the glue stitches, but b/c of bacteria w/ a bite he prefers to do the regular stitch.
They had to put some numbing solution on his nose & let it sit for 15 mins before doing the stitch. Davis did so well, during all this.
When they came to do the stitch, Mommy didn't do as well. My poor baby only cried for a second & then they were done.
When we got home & things were settled & I was tucking him in bed I told him how proud I am of him & what a big boy he is. He said "Mommy, I cried". It just broke my heart. I asked if he cried b/c it hurt & he said "Yes, my nose". I said, it's OK even big boys cry when it hurts!
One of the ER techs gave him a stuffed zebra & we named him 'stitch'. He slept w/ him tonight!

Before I was a Mom

I read this in an adoption newsletter that I get & wanted to share....

Before I was a Mom
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plans were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind & thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes & cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know the bond between a mother & her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important & happy.
Before I was a Mom
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure everything
was okay.
I had never knows the warmth, joy, love, heartache, wonderment, or satisfaction of being a
Mom.


I can relate to so much of this. Being Davis' Mommy is the most important job I'll ever have.

When we had Davis we knew he was a miracle. All babies are a gift from our Father & are miracles, but we knew this baby needed something extra to get here. We are now realizing what a miracle he is. My body may never create another baby b/c it's broken. I haven't blogged much b/c this is hard for me & I don't know what to say. I know I've shut down about talking about it b/c I don't know what is going to happen. I can say that Danny & I are talking about adoption & praying about what to do next.

The Story of Prince Davis & his throne!

On Friday I thought I'd give this whole potty thing another try with Davis. I've been trying every few weeks, with absolutely no luck at all. He was showing no interest & ended up just frustrating me.
Friday morning we got up & I put a pair of Thomas undies on him & he just took to the potty like he's been doing this forever. Friday, Saturday, & Sunday we had some probs w/ spraying. He & I just couldn't figure out how to do it w/o making a huge mess.
He's had a few hiccups along the way, but they are accidents & he really tries to get to the potty. I'm so proud of him I could just burst. I wish I had a secret as to what worked, I guess just try, try, try, try again, & be patient!
Friday night after Danny got home from work we took Davis to Target. He got some boxer briefs & Mickey Mouse Clubhouse undies. It wasn't his first choice, but the only ones that they had in his size.
We then went to Moe's & had dinner. Davis did so well. He went potty at Moe's in the big boy potty & was so proud of himself.
On Saturday we had an Upward basketball game & Davis did great. We then went to Qdoba for lunch & then to the hospital to see Troy. Davis went potty at the hospital. Davis then fell asleep in the car & Danny & I were out looking for his bedroom furniture, so we just let him sleep while I went in to the stores.
After he woke up, we stopped at the Humane Society & Davis had his first accident there. He just got so excited seeing all the puppies play & chase him.
I guess now, he's officially a big boy. Makes me really sad that he's not my baby anymore. It's so hard to believe he'll be 3, one month from tomorrow.

Blogging is not always fun!

I have struggled w/ my next blog for the past few days. Should I blog? Should some things be kept to myself? That is my question.
I started this whole blogging thing for 2 reasons. Reason 1 was for therapy. It's therapeutic to document my journey. Reason 2 was to document this journey. It's a roller coaster to say the least. As time passes I seem to forget drug amounts, times, & struggles. I want to remember this journey, no matter the outcome.
So, I decided that sometimes it's not fun to blog. Everything isn't encouraging, sometimes it's painful & hard.
On Monday Danny took in a semen sample for a semen analyst (s/a) & we got the results back on Wednesday. The count was awesome. So encouraging for us. Normal is 20 million & his was 91 million. That really did something for his ego. The motility (how many move) was normal. However, the morphility (the shape) was a little off. The average man has 12% normal sperm (morphility) & Danny's is 8%. They're not overly worried. Hey... I did get preg twice!
On Thursday I went back to the RE's office & saw Ms Devine (Dr Homm's PA) to discuss my follistim injections & get instructions. I knew they were expensive ($4000 a month), but insurance covers that, so I wasn't worried.
She started talking about IUI (insemination) to increase our chances of conceiving. The average couple has a 20% chance of conceiving in any given month. With the shots it increases to 25% & w/ IUI it would increase to about 30-33%.
We went to the business office to discuss costs. The IUI would cost us $1332 plus $150 for sperm prep. After Danny I left we discussed our options.
We had a few sticking points to consider:
A) We did get preg twice on clomid alone, so is there a need for IUI right now?
B) Would we be in God's will? If so, is this where we're being lead?
C) Cost.... do we want to spend that money right now? We would want to save for it rather than putting it on a credit card.
After much discussing, we came to the conclusion we'd do just the injections for a couple months & if they don't work out then we'll move on to either the IUI or adoption, depending on where God leads us.
The RE's office called to say that my ins (medco) won't pay for the follistim (I had already gotten it approved), but would pay for medopur injections. I was told it was the same.
Later that night the fertility pharmacy called to put my order in & get my injections to me. My total cost for the injections, endo cream, HCG trigger shot, sharps container, & the needles would be $152.88. We were pleasantly surprised & I paid w/ my debit card over the phone.
After hanging up, I told Danny I'd call the RE on Fri (today). He was looking through my folder filled w/ info from the Dr's office. Then... it happened.....
We realized that the IUI does cost the $1332+, but even for the timed intercourse method it was $1120 to cover the office visits, ultrasounds, & estradiols. That was not what we were expecting. So, now we're in limbo. Our only option is to save for the next couple months to be able to pay for it.
I'm so heart broken. I don't know what to do. It's hard b/c I became so excited & now we're back to square one.
So, that's my update!