Monday, May 5, 2008

Some Aunts should just stay away...

Early this morning around 1 am my least favorite aunt came for a visit. There had been warning signs, so my body was expecting her. I guess I should have called my heart.
For some reason, this is one of the hardest non pregnant cycles yet. It's been over 2 years that we've been actively trying for a baby to bring home. This was our last chance for a 2008 baby. I'm getting closer to that big 3-0. Davis is getting so big & maturing so fast. These are all reasons why my heart is breaking so bad this cycle. I just KNEW w/ everything in me we would bring a baby home in December.
Yesterday I was doing some spring cleaning to keep my mind off things. Danny & Davis were outside doing whatever it is that boys do. I kept listing to Mercy Me 'Bring On The Rain'. In the song he sings:
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
I just kept listing to that song & crying. I want so badly His glory over my desire, but this is so hard.
A guy Danny works with told him for me to just relax.......Yea, we tried that, didn't work! NEXT IDEA? I'm not sure if I've said this before, but if someone has cancer do you tell them to relax? No, b/c they have a medical condition that a bubble bath won't help, guess what? So do I.
Also, to add to my day, I checked in on another girl's infertility blog I browse from time to time. Well, she's no longer barren. Deep in my heart I'm happy for her, happy for this experience she's going through. But, when I read it all I could do is cry!
For now, if you could, please pray for peace. I'm just want peace.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Spring time

There are ways you can tell spring is here... Easter lilies bloom, short sleeves come out of the attic, & lawn mowers come out of the garage. But, to me the declaration of spring is grass stains! We went to the park to play & came home with proof of the changing season!
I love this time of year. Everything is so fresh. Everywhere you look are pinks, yellows, polka dots, & floral patterns. The smell of fresh rain, the breeze from the open window are what makes this season so great to me.
I know I haven't blogged in awhile, but in the Barnes' house it's the same old story, just a different day & a higher dose of clomid.
With each month on clomid I experience symptoms worse than the previous month. The depression really hit me hard this cycle & it's been hard to blog b/c nothing is new.
I posted a pic of Davis, Jake, & Josh on Easter. They are such handsome little guys & have so much fun together.
I want to post more pics, so I'll be back this weekend for a more detailed blog.